Home and out to Dry

So I've been home for 11 days running around throwing my resumes at various universities while hanging around the house. Unfortunately the prospects of finding something to do in cross-cultural psychology over the next six months seems to get slimmer every time I log online. I've gotten to the point of writing random professors in the field of cross-cultural psychology asking for what to do next. My senior psychology capstone was focused more with the feel good talk on values instead of giving us direction and goals. Really though its not so bad aside from the fact that I'm not really doing anything with the Middle East or psychology.

I've been starting to catch some flak from some friends of mine about the whole job thing because they face greater obstacles than I do when finding one. When I was in Lebanon, many people were really preoccupied with the idea of moving to the U.S. and making money. The idea became this grand fantasy and was put on a pedestal. Then enter me, this twenty-something American kid who is really close to a B.A. in psychology who choices to come to Lebanon when I could easily stay in American and have a decent job. Needless to say it blew a lot of people's minds. Even my good friends were at first trying everything in their power to persuade me to go back to the States and finish my studies there before coming back many years down the road. Although the more they got to know me, the more they supported my desire to stay in Lebanon. However, what I was doing was destroying a lot of people's fantasies. After all, if America has everything, then why is someone like me trying to go to great lengths to stay in Lebanon?

Of course fantasy isn't reality. Sooner or later everyone will have to face up to the fact that their fantasy isn't what they made it out to be during the long time they spent pursuing it. Though many of my friends thought they would just want to live in American, some of them would probably get sick of the differences and miss their friends and family back home. Even in America you still have to pay for stuff, you have to deal with rude people, you still get rejected by the opposite sex sometimes, you still have to deal with violent crime, there are still generally bad days, stupid people, and the list goes on. The real problem is that over time problems become externalized and projected onto these fantasies while the root of the problem is not dealt with. Fortunately, most people realize this sooner or later.

Khalas, bitti, done

Well this is my first time writing here for awhile because now is the first time I got free time to write on this blog. However, the program is over which is what is giving this free time. Beirut has also been very quiet since the prisoner exchange so I have really had anything that I urgently wanted to right about. At least until now. First some reflections on the program. My professors were great and in the in-class time was great and really helped but the amount of homework assigned left me feeling a little cheated. It was enough busy work that kept me from seeing more of beirut, making more friends and hence kept me from interacting with more locals (granted some of my friends are from places like Jordan and Saudi Arabia but you get my point), and the homework left me feeling so drained that I didn't want to learn anymore arabic or speak it. Granted it is incredibly difficult to run a program like this and learn a lot of arabic in a month but still I was hoping for something more like my turkish program last year even though that was four months.

The other thing I was thinking about a conversation I had with a teacher and a friend of mine yesterday. We were talking about being pride and being self-critical in the Arab world. Despite the image Americans have of all Arabs only criticizing the U.S. for anything bad that happens in their lives, the majority of my friends spend the most time blaming themselves sometimes I think unnecessarily. What also happens is they think I am way to self-critical of my country. My teacher put it best when he explained the pride that exists here and criticizing your own country is like criticizing family which can make you look really crazy. As long as my friends understand that I love my country its fine but otherwise its bad. In most cases it was pretty minor but I had a friend who when he heard I wanted to study in AUB for my masters in psychology he passionately tried to dissuade me from studying in Lebanon and tried to get me to study in the States until he realized that I was firmly and genuinely committed to studying cross-cultural psychology in Lebanon. I'll be writing more over the next couple of days as I unpack my whole experience here in Lebanon to make up for the lack of updates during the program.

Sick on a busy day.

So I ate some chicken last night which has made me a little sick and I had to skip class. This is a strange day to be sick considering there is a lot of celebration in Beirut over the prisoner swap with Israel. Everywhere gun fire can be heard in Beirut as people are celebrating. In the meantime I'm worried about being sick since it will hinder my ability to learn Arabic. Everything seemed fine over the weekend as we went to byblos which was really beautiful. I took lots of pictures and it was just nice to be with everyone having a good time. Now there is a mid-term on friday and I'm hoping I will be able to drag myself to class tomorrow so I can review for the test. Guess I'll see where things go these next couple of days.

Beirut blues...

So this weekend I finally got out of AUB and saw some cool stuff. On of the areas was the Shalita refugee camp. The place reminds me a lot of Palestine with the open air markets, the massive poverty, and the love of a homeland lost. Seeing the camps has been one of my big objectives in Beirut and I'm hoping to organize a trip there. In case people were wondering, Shalita is an open area that is not armed so traveling there is fine but it would help to have a guide who knows the history of the camp. It was strange but the posters around the camp feature Arafat along with Rafiq and Saad Hariri. It's not too unlikely but I would have never have guessed seeing them together like that. As we drove though you could smell the argile and various fruits and vegetables that were being sold. I know I'll be back at some point.

On sunday we were able to travel to Beit Eddine thanks to Nadine. I was able to take a lot of really nice pictures that I hope to get onto facebook soon inshallah. The area was very beautiful and I'm really glad I got away from AUB. It's not that I don't like this place but I feel suffocated and I want to experience the part of Lebanon that doesn't have as much western influence.

Middle Eastern Nightlife...

For most Americans, the Middle East is the last place you would expect to find great nightlife but then again, many of them would never make it to Beirut. One can find themselves drowning in the choices of different bars and clubs in gesemynie street. Of course you have to be really careful getting into gesemynie street since it has one of the highest traffic densities in Beirut, especially on weekends. The club we did settle on incorporated a nice mix of Euro trance, rap, and Arabic music. What you have to watch in Beirut unlike most Middle Eastern cities is prices. We easily ended up running up a $160 bar tab between six people in one bar alone (Andrew, if you want us to pay our share of the tab, we’ll understand). While food and transportation are cheap (chicken swarama is $2 a pop and taxis are $1.25), entertainment clearly is not.

While fun, clubbing is not the peak experience for me here in Beirut. For that there is the question of what can I do here that I can’t do back home. Yesterday we went to pigeon rock which is a natural rock formation you see on a lot of postcards from Beirut. Even though we are in a major city, the water is as clear as you would see in a small resort town (though you do see more trash). The rocks themselves and the cliffs are truly breathtaking and the swimming did feel great. The only hard part is getting out since you have to move with the tide. When I finally got out I felt like a beached whale.

The Arabic classes that I am taking have been fun and simple enough thanks to Aziz’s tutoring even though I am in the Intro class. I get one hour of colloquial Arabic and four hours of modern standard (al-Fars?). While the write is important I want to take more time to devote to speaking and vocab so I can get out and practice among the local population inshallah. Although the homework does take awhile, I am here to learn Arabic and not go clubbing so I don’t really mind. I’ll be back with more later.

Finally in Beirut.

"Wow, your finally in Beirut" my friend says with a look of near disbelief. I can't blame him: I'm surprised that I'm in Beirut myself. This place is hard to understand in many ways. It is extremely beautiful and very prosperous. It is hard to imagine that nearly a month ago that everyone was worried Lebanon would slide back into a civil war. I also want to stay so badly that it is hard for me to see why people would want to leave. Of I course I know that I am more well off then some and feel that I can maintain my safety here should something happen.

The thing I can't shake is the feeling that I should have been able to place myself in high introductory instead of regular intro. It is probably better that I go with a class I know I can handle and I don't regret coming to Beirut without knowing any Arabic but I just felt that I should be able to do more. There will be more updates later.

Abusing peace...

Some calm has finally prevailed over Gaza but there is much doubt over whether it can last. Even though rocket launchers have dismantled from the border, Israeli tanks still sit on the Israeli side waiting for the call to go. Even Ehud Olmert said the calm was to be short lived. On top of this settlers in the West Bank set fires to Palestinian olive trees which will anger the Palestinians. The Israelis have also ruled out a truce in the West Bank which is sure to agitate Palestinians further. This is strange since there haven't been many attacks from the West Bank and the West Bank is controlled by Mahmoud Abbas who is very committed to keeping peace and stability in the Fatah-controlled West Bank (Where is all the talk now of supporting Abu Mazen?). So if the Israelis keep raiding the West Bank, will Hamas launch counter strikes or does this go to show that the powerful can once again bully the week while using the peace process to impose its own agenda with the facade of an agreement? Does this also mean that starving millions people becomes a legitimate tactic for those who oppose US and Israeli plans? I just wonder when everyone will wake up and realize what is really going on.

I'm also hoping this goes to show that boycotting Hamas is not going to work and that the only way to actually achieve peace is through engaging it. Hamas has shown itself as willing to amend its position on the two state solution as long as it is accepted by the Palestinian people while Israel refuses to budge from its positions on settlements and refugees. Hopefully if everyone is living in peace for awhile it will give them time to come to their senses and make a just and lasting peace agreement.